My Transition From Childhood to Adulthood

As many know, the beginning of this school year, I went through many difficulties. -Having my first serious boyfriend/best friend break up with me. This threw me into one of the worst periods of my life. Having such a close person leave me and seem to not care anymore just tore me apart. This time changed me greatly and for the months that I was going through this period I became a different and more mature person. Soon after the breakup, after threatening to kill myself over and over my amazing friends went to the school, and I was finally admitted to the hospital to get the help that I needed. Ever since then I have been through many different medications that have put me through so much trying to deal with the different side effects. I have been stabilized, luckily and have become such a stronger person. With my friends by my side, and having one of the best therapists in the world, I have become a stronger person. Everyone goes through difficulties in their life, but there is always that one event that makes someone become so much more mature and a stronger person. Although it seems silly that a break up can do so much to one person, it changed me and because of it I have learned to cope with sadness and stress. Without the skills I have learned through therapy, and being hospitalized, I know that no matter what life throws at me now I will be able to deal with it and it will make me even stronger rather than making me into a ball of sadness. Although not many of my friends understood what was happening with me and why a breakup was making me the person I was, they tried the best they could do to help me. I am so excited to be able to help my friends who have their first serious breakup and I will be there for them because I know how rough it is. I think that that is part of being an adult, being able to help others. That is also why this event has made me into an adult. Its amazing that an event that , many have gone through, can throw someone into such a whirlwind. Not only was the breakup the event that changed me, it was also the fact that I was suicidal. This is one of the worst things that anyone could ever go through. No one knew what I was feeling, so trying to have others help me never really helped because they didn't know what to say. This was one of the hardest parts. Although this helped me become an independent person, which was one of the traits I lacked. I had always counted on other people and when ,my friends were no longer able to deal with me, I had to learn to be able to count on myself. That's one of the things that every adult needs to master, because you are never able to fully count on anyone but yourself. You are the only one that really understands you and is able to help you. That is the greatest thing that I learned, no matter how much people say they are there, they all have themselves to take care of first. This event truly made me an adult, being able to lean on myself, and learning that its being able to teach others that really counts. That is what I'm excited for when I grow up, to be able to help others who are going through a rough time and don't know how to deal with it. That is what being an adult is truly about; Being content with oneself, and being focused on not only on yourself but able to help others when they are in need.

The Story That Must Be Told

As a child, every summer i went up to see my Nana in Buffalo, these times were when i really got to spend time with my family and they were some of the best times of my life. Being so young and in such an old house, I made so many different stories in my head about things that most of the time did not happen. My Nana was the strongest women I even knew, having her husband die in his early 30s and having to raise 3 young girls by herself, she was amazing. She was the classic Italian woman, she made her house feel more homey than my actual home. She was so comforting, and made me feel so happy. My Nana was my inspiration for the classic grandmother, she cooked, cleaned, and gardened all the time, she was never not busy. No matter where you were she always made you feel at home. I remember as a kid going up there and at dinner, we all sat around a big table and ate some of the most amazing food i have ever had. People would show up and we would all be so happy. Neighbors would come, all family members, friends and we all enjoy a classic italian meal. I have so many amazing memories from my child hood up in Buffalo. The last time i saw my Nana before she went into the nursing home, she asked me "do you like it up here?" and of course i said i did because i was with my family and it was amazing and she told me "good, i love having you up here," this last conversation i will always hold dearly to my heart. When she was brought to the nursing home, and i did go and see her, i was shocked beyond belief at her condition. She couldn't talk or do anything herself and i had never seen her like that before in my life. Once i saw her, i could stop myself from crying hysterically. Although she didn't remember who i was, she did everything she could do to try and comfort me, she kept telling me "no no its okay," even though in reality i knew it wasn't okay. That was probably one of the hardest days of my life, I never thought i would see the strongest woman ever like that. When she actually died, I wasn't surprised, but of course i was terribly upset. After my mom told me i couldn't go up for her funeral it hit me, i was never going to see her again. I couldn't believe my mother wasn't letting me go to see my only great grandmother's funeral. I had only dealt with one death before in my life, and that although was very upsetting, was not as painful as this one. Death is the worst thing ever, and i would never want someone to have to go through someone so special to them leaving for ever. Although i will never have my Nana in my life again, she provided me with some of the best memories that one kid could ever have.  

My Perfectly Content Place

The place I feel most content and happy would have to be in my car with the music blasting. The peace that I feel when I am alone with nothing going through my head besides what ever I have playing is just so relaxing. My mind always seems to be running with thoughts of absolutely random things, sometimes even things I don't want to be thinking about, they just pop up in my head. The music and distraction of having to pay attention to something else gives me peace and serenity. Even though my car is not the cleanest place in the world, I love it. It's something that is mine and I can go where I want with it. No one can control me, I feel so free. One time when I had a really bad day and just needed to get away, I just drove, for miles. It cleared my mind, and although no one knew where I was and some people were really worried about me, by the time I got home I was in a better place and was able to talk to my mom about what was going on instead of bottling it up and taking it out on myself. With the intensely loud and intimidating music blasting it took my anger and pushed it aside so I realized that what was going on was not the end of the world. The pain and misery I felt was able to be met with the music I listened to and everything felt better. I love being able to control what is going on around me and being in my car allows me to go as fast as I want and go where I want, when I am in my car whatever I want goes. I love it that way, I always want to be in control. I guess some would say that's a flaw of mine, but its how I am. My car is the place that I can be me. I can play the music I want to play, I can eat what I want (as long as I get it ahead of time), I can just be me. I love my car, and all the things wrong with it, because its like me. I have things wrong with me, but I still work and I can push through the problems that life throws at me. Even if I am not upset it is still good to just get away for a little, even if it's the short drive home from school, I still get time to myself that makes me more content with myself and gives me time to just let it go. Without that time to myself every day I would probably go insane. It calms me to just be alone with my music in a place that no one can bother me. I can ignore phone calls and have an excuse for not responding to anyone. I love being alone and this place gives me that time to myself and better yet I can play my music as loud as I can. My two favorite things, music and being alone. That it why I love being in my car and it is my perfectly content place that calms me and lets me be myself.

http://youtu.be/BtsU8pYqKYI

Catfish and Mandala Blog

Catfish Blog

Interpretation of Art

This piece of art work is very interesting. Of course a normal eye will first see someone being shot off of a cliff, but in between the two is another silhouette. This image shows that by killing a body, you are not killing only a body, you kill the soul that lives within it. Not only are the bodies shown but also there is blood coming out of the body which is expected for someone being shot, but within the soul there is a black mass. This mass could represent the darkness that lives within someone that most of the time they do not show. Although this black mass could represent a lot of things. The killing of someone is not such an easy thing to see, or deal with. The blacked out bodies show that no matter who it is, the same thing is happening. Much more is going on then just killing a person, one does not know the effects of their death, and how others will react. The soul could also symbolize the belief in an after life. Not many believe in such things, but it has not been proven impossible. This picture could have many different meanings but this is what is see when I look at it.  

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Failure

I believe in everyone's lives they have had many accounts of failure. Everyone needs them to succeed in life. I think the most common failure is failing a test. The first time I did I was devastated. I knew my parents would be upset with me because my sister was such a scholar student and she never failed. I wanted to be like her and this was not something she would do. But I needed to go through this to realize I had to work harder. Without trying I didn't pass, and without trying in other situations it could have been a lot worse. The failure I had ended up not being that big of a deal but it taught me that I needed to fail to learn anything and to be successful the next time. Everyones failures lead to something better it just takes time to see the lesson behind it and to learn from it. If you cant learn from it than you will only keep failing and thats not fun. Whatever failure comes your way you need to see that its temporary and that you will get past it and you will grow from it to become a better person.

What if the Secret to Success is Failure?

Earliest Memory

Being an adventurous child, i have plenty of memories that just make me smile. One of my earlier memories is when in the winter the rest of the kids in my neighborhood and i would wander out to a lake behind my house and we would walk on it if it was frozen enough. being kids, we created stories about a rabid beaver man that lived in the lake. These stories of course freaked me out being a little kid and all, but now looking back at it i find it hilarious. These stories bring me happiness and make me exuberant of having such great friends that were just as crazy as i was. Still to this day we talk about everything that we did together and how insane we were and why our parents didn't stop us. We had great times and it makes me sad for all the kids now who just sit inside and don't do anything as crazy and adventurous as we did. As kids we felt on top of the world, like nothing could stop us. I think i had one of the best childhoods someone could have because of all the crazy stuff we did.